Saturday, November 30, 2013

Immodium - the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - By MIke

- You take the blue pill, the problems end, you wake up in the morning with normal movements.

- You take TWO of the blue pills (and maybe throw in a charcoal pill out of desperation), your issues change, and you get to see how many days you can keep the rabbit hole closed.
Now you may be the type that has a stomach of steel, maybe you've even had the privilege of being knick-named the garbage disposal for this skill.  Or perhaps you are more like our one unaffected spanish couple, raised on Jalepenos and spices, having nothing but Habaneros ground up into your "milk" bottles...completely immune to food. If this is you just stop reading, this post will not make any sense to you, as a matter of fact you most likely had to look up what in the world immodium is, perhaps even calling up your nerdy white friend for a definition.

But for the rest of you, raised on wonder bread and cornflakes (and apparently white rice), welcome.
You see i was under the impression, before i found myself accidentally crushing this little blue pill in a desperate attempt to release it from its packaging, that i had stomach of steel, that i could in fact eat anything from off the ground to off the street.  But as it turns out, this was nothing but a thinly veiled sheet of tinfoil surrounding uncalloused baby hands of a stomach.  With the simple drop of something foreign i simply bend at the knees...

The real humor come from the inexplicable twist of Kenzie and I.  Most are aware of her obvious sensitive intestines that struggled in the states...yet in some sort of freaky friday she finds herself eating whatever she desires, as i clench my gut.  It seems that she was meant for asia, an Irish descent american lost in a little thai girls body (which i believe finally explains her stature) finally found her way home.  And she is loving the reversal.

But this post is in no way a complaint about the food here, as a matter of fact quite the opposite!  The food is amazing! Both satisfying my inner cheapskate, as well as my taste buds. Most likely to blame would be our lack of local knowledge, stuck in a vicious tourist triangle of ordering the two or three different items we know...pad thai, pad kapow, green chicken curry...if only we could get ourselves out of this white man's vortex and order a REAL thai dish we would not so often visit the porcelain cyclone.

The dilemma is not the problem itself, yet the problem it creates, for in a land where public restrooms and toilet paper are flowing like milk and honey this would only be but a small annoyance.  For when i use the restroom, i am a king! i need a throne...kings do NOT squat.

Yet again though i do not want to come off as complaining, because actually, we LOVE it here! we love the food, the culture and the we are not complaining, this post is simply a warning, while immodium can be good and solve a temporary problem it also can be bad.  For just as pulling a pendulum hard to one side will cause a similar swing to the other, with any action....there is a reaction.

Do not take too much can be ugly.


  1. I knew I wasn't the only cheap one!!! :)

    1. THAT was funny. Keep clenching Mike. Kit

    2. So good to see your comments. We miss all of you. Judy Ohlemacher

  2. You cheered me up just as you promised your post would accomplish!!! Loved it!

  3. This is quite hilarious! Both your blogs made me laugh out loud! Loving these experiences!!

  4. Mike: Toooooo funny. Been there, done that. My sympathies!!! How funny that little Kenzie hasn't been having those issues. I hope that continues for her and IMPROVES for you, poor baby! Sounds like you are otherwise having a great (albeit humbling) time! Keep up the good work, but please come back. We miss you!

    Deborah Stone

  5. Ian is going to LOVE this post, more than any other.
    "an Irish descent american lost in a little thai girls body" now that made me laugh out loud!!

  6. My thoughts are the same as Jessica's - my boys are going to love this post. What is it about potty talk that draws boys in so much?! Apparently we all get a kick out of it :)